On being late to work

Today I could not get up. I was tired. I didn't know what to wear, a daily struggle made more complicated by the cold. I wanted to call in sick, which is really outrageous considering I just got back to work after a three day weekend. In fact, I haven't worked a full five day week in almost a month thanks to PMF Orientation, snow storms, Christmas, El Paso, and New Year's Day. You'd think I'd be rested and ready to go. I'm the opposite. I'm lethargic. I want to lay in bed, or drink coffee and read, or do pretty much anything other than sit in my cubicle dreading when the phone rings with a less than intelligent question.

I feel ridiculous. Here I am with a great job, and I am whining about getting up in the morning. I thought this would be easier once I had a job I liked. Not wanting to get up made sense when I hated being the sales bitch. Now I don't get it. Could I really be so incapable of working a 9-to-5? What makes me different/special? People do this all the time. They even make it to work on time to jobs they hate.

I missed a meeting this morning. It was unscheduled, but it took place after I should have been here. It was over the thing that my work focuses on. My boss came by after to discuss it. He didn't seem upset. He's not like that. But I did feel bad. Really bad. And disrespectful. I have a great boss. I am not trying to take advantage of that fact or the fact that we don't clock in or that no one really tracks our hours. Of course, I don't say these things. I'm scared I'll cry or open the door for other criticisms. I am good at my job, which is why I think my tardiness is not brought up. It's not an excuse though. I want to be the person that gets to work on time. I can't just float around. It would be one thing if I didn't care. If the extra sleep actually helped me feel better and get through the day. However, that is not the case. Actually, I feel terrible. Sick to my stomach, want to breakdown and eat a box of cookies while hiding under the covers terrible.

So 5 days into the New Year I'm struggling with my get to work on time resolution, but I am also reminded of the reason why I made the resolution. I will make sure tomorrow is different.