Sooo...

Apparently, it's going to take a little more motivation to get myself to write everyday. I often think of things to post, but then just don't bother. I will work on this.

It has been snowing for the last 9 hours and doesn't seem like it will stop anytime soon. We are expected to get between 4 and 6 inches. I'm not sure how many we already have, but it is pretty to watch. Not so pretty to stumble through, though. I had to go to Pilates this morning. Luckily, I don't live far from the Metro and the Pilates studio isn't too far from the Dupont Metro. Still felt like forever though. I can deal with snow ok, but it is also super cold. I was very happy to make it back to my very warm apartment. I haven't been back out. I may run to CVS (hopefully it's open), but luckily, I have a lot of toilet paper and soy/almond/rice milk to tide me over. Ha. I did see several people carrying plastic CVS bags with toilet paper earlier today. Totally fit the stereotype of how DC residents react to snow. It was also the most plastic bags I've seen since the District implemented the 5 cent bag fee. Wonder if people were doing unplanned shopping or if it's normal for a Saturday. On a side note about the bag fee, I never thought saving a nickel would motivate me to do just about anything, but I have been much better about bringing my own bags since it went into effect. I was usually good before, but I often got sucked into the grocery store between the Metro and my apartment and rarely had bags with me. Now, I carry my grocery bags to work if I plan on shopping after, or I usually have an extra plastic bag from my lunch to reuse if I have to pick-up a couple things. I think I'm more motivated by the signal sent by the bag fee (plastic bags are bad for the river), than by the actual bag fee.

Anyway, I have been productive today. I did some dishes, but I have spent most of the day sorting through my clothes and packing up clothes to take to Goodwill tomorrow. I cannot believe how much clothing I have. I don't even know how I accumulated that much stuff. I got rid of almost everything when I lost weight, so that means most of the clothes have appeared in the last 3 years- not counting most of my Betsey Johnson dresses. I've never been able to get rid of those. But I think I am going to try to sell a couple of them on eBay. One I wore for my college graduation dinner and is way too big for me. I had originally planned to have it altered, but I realize that I do not know when I would wear a multi-colored pastel party dress. Another dress I wore to my high school band banquet senior year. It is tight and tiny, and I'm not sure how I ever fit in it. Even when I get to my goal weight, I do not think it would work for me. If they don't sell, then I'll donate them, but they were expensive dresses and worn once each, so I figure it's worth trying to make a few dollars. Maybe I'll donate the money.

I need to get back to putting away the clothes I want to keep- which is still an insanely high pile of stuff- but I'm a little unmotivated. Perhaps now is the time to run to CVS. I will get the clothes put away before I make my big salad, have a glass of wine, and watch Arrested Development or some sort of movie. Lovely Saturday night.

Asking questions

I'm feeling a little blah this morning. The past few days I've gotten a bit off track. Not in that I've been really eating poorly or going back on my cooking plans, but rather not being as mindful as I should. I could feel a difference in my body this morning. It was a somewhat unpleasant reminder that 2 weeks of doing well is not enough, that I need to think about it every time I eat or whenever I decide not to do some sort of exercise. I need to ask myself "How will this make you feel?" or "How will this impact your goals?". I think these questions are a good way to quickly adjust my head when I start to feel like I'm losing my focus. Also, writing on this thing does help, especially when I describe the things I've eaten and the work I put into them. It's a good accountability tool so I am going to work to put in one entry a day. I eat everyday. I am in my apartment thinking about cleaning everyday. May as well write about it.

Happy Friday!

It's Friday afternoon, and I have a break from my phone ringing and since I hadn't posted in a week, I thought I'd post some more thoughts.

This week has been fair. Work has been busy, and I have been a bit crabby with people. As I've lamented many times, when I have to be very nice to a lot of people over a short amount of time, I lose my other abilities to function socially. I am short with people. I can't really complete sentences, and I lack attention span. If I had cramps, it would be like being on my period. Luckily, these reporting periods only last a couple of weeks every quarter, and will eventually end completely. Until then, I just hope that I get to speak to IT guy at least once a day. He makes me smile, even if he flirts with everyone. It's kind of hard to get tired of hearing a cute guy say "I'm better now that I'm talking to you." I'm sure he says it to everyone, but I can pretend it's only me.

I have still been good about the cooking. It has become more routine to get home and make something or to pack lunch in the morning.

(Note: While writing the above sentence, IT guy called. It was lovely. We chatted about beer and other drinks, new DC bars/restaurants, and working out. I very much enjoyed the moment when I saw it was him on my caller ID and not another confused grantee).

I've pretty much decided to cook/eat vegan at home and then be less limited if I am eating out. I think this is a good way of both balancing the foods I eat and ensuring that I limit my intake of dairy and meat without too much difficulty. Also, I have felt better recently than I have in a long time, so I think that something is working for me. I figure I should continue with it until something changes.

I went to the gym yesterday and will go again today, but haven't been great about exercise this week. Part of the problem is just being tired. The other is that I got my new tattoo on Monday, and it is on my lower left ribs and a bit onto my stomach and is still a bit sore. When I use my abs to much, it hurts- even while dancing! It's doing better today, though I think that it will start itching soon. No fun, but the tattoo is beautiful, so it's ok. (I'll post some pictures when it has healed.)

My goals for the weekend are to grocery shop, cook, and go through my clothes. I'm hoping to book a zipcar so that I can donate my clothes right away. It would free up an incredible amount of space in my apartment. Also, I need to clean my kitchen.

I also plan on sleeping. A lot.

Up hill both ways, but not in the snow

My legs are all tingly from a lot of walking, and I could probably fall asleep right now (at 7:15pm). I walked about 6 miles today, with at least 3 miles uphill. The weather was perfect! It feels great, but I am tired. I also went to the gym after work Thursday and yesterday and had Pilates earlier. I guess I've been making up for lack of exercise at the beginning of the week. It's also really helped me relax, especially my workout yesterday. The workday was very long and stressful, like the rest of the week, and all I wanted to do when I got out was go to the gym. It was kind of a strange feeling as I've never been like a gym rat or anything, but I just knew it would help me work off all the built up stress and annoyance. Pushing myself for 45 minutes on the Elliptical did a lot to get out the aggression that built up from being nice to people with their stupid questions instead of saying " just file the fucking report" or "how many fucking times do I have to fucking explain this?". The fact that the gym is free and in my office building makes it that much more attractive. There is not time to decide I should just go home since I just walk down 4 flights of stairs.

It's interesting the way healthy behaviors in one area of life can creep into others. I definitely think my desire to get to the gym is connected to the fact that I have been eating really well. In the last 2 weeks, I only ate out 3 times. I think that is crazy and amazing. It makes me really proud of myself for sticking to what I want to change this year. Also, I'm surprised at my resourcefulness when it comes to cooking. For example, I decided to make Hoppin' John Salad for dinner the other night, but realized that I had bought pork flavored black eyed peas (yes, pork). Of course, I didn't want to eat them since I'm trying hard to at least at home stick to vegan (and they are pork flavored). I decided to just use some garbanzo beans instead. I know it seems so basic to just replace one ingredient with a comparable one, but for me it was a bit of a revelation. I can see my former self being frustrated and not bothering. Another example, yesterday I didn't want to go to the grocery store and couldn't decide what to do for dinner. After looking in my fridge for a minute, I decided on a salad. I cooked and cut up a veggie burger patty added it to some spinach, threw in some dried cranberries and drizzled the homemade dressing I made for my salad last week. It was delicious and simple. And I put it together all on my own in like 2 minutes. Again, it's something most people could do without thinking about it or patting themselves on their backs, but it's still something new for me.

In other exciting news, the waist in my jeans is feeling loose. I think they are mostly just stretched out, but any seeming result adds to my motivation. Though at this moment, motivation to leave my house is very low.

Wednesday Night Rambling

Work has been rather stressful this week. Mostly because people do not follow directions or think. I am happy to help people with difficult issues; however, out of the many calls and emails I have received, only one was a question that required me to think instead of refer someone to an email that I sent just the other day. By the end of today, I had a wicked headache and my stomach was upset. I decided not to go to the gym. I am happy that I decided not to because I think taking care of myself also means knowing when not to push my body too hard. Plus, I was productive tonight. I picked up my dry cleaning, went grocery shopping, and baked vegan chocolate cupcakes with vegan cream cheese frosting (from Vegan Cupcakes Take Over the World) for my co-worker's birthday tomorrow. And, I even did all the dishes after finishing the cupcakes. That is something very new for me.

It feels kind of stupid to be rambling on about my day after what happened in Haiti (and what happens around the world on a daily basis). One of my favorite professors in graduate school is Haitian and did a lot of work there with the World Bank. I'm hoping that since the semester has started, he was not down there. I've donated to Red Cross and will be giving to Doctors Without Borders. I'm not much of a pray-er, but sometimes it feels right to do that too.

Pin-Up Girl

(Note: Upon completing this post I realized that I used the words wicked, awesome, and rad in a matter of 3 paragraphs. You've been warned.)

I love pin-up pictures, especially ones that feature women that do not fit the traditional definition of beauty (tattoos, dreads, hips), so when I stumbled upon Atomic Cheesecake Studios, I was wicked excited. She is based in Baltimore (not too far away from DC) and takes awesome pictures, and all the packages include hair, make-up, and outfits. I've been thinking about doing it since the moment I came across the website (circa May 2008), but have put it off for a variety of reasons, mostly related to my weight. I figure if I'm going to spend the money on cool professional photographs I should look my best. Also, I wanted a few more tattoos for the photo.

I don't know what reminded me of the pictures today, but whatever it was gave me an excellent idea/goal: getting the pictures done will be my birthday (May 18) present to myself. (I may not be great at taking care of myself, but I do always get myself birthday and Christmas gifts). Appointments are only during weekdays, and I was planning on taking the Monday before my birthday off anyway, so I think it is perfect timing. This gives me about 4 months to get to a point where I am comfortable and happy with my body. I believe that is completely do-able. I mean that's like 4 pounds a month if you break it down that way. And if the "experts" say you should only lose 1-2lbs a week, then it is perfect.

I think having this goal will definitely help me with my resolution. Having something to work towards always makes things easier- especially when it is something totally rad.

Plus, I'll have another tattoo (or 2) by then :)

Apparently, I won't starve when left to my own devices.

At this moment, I am eating a spinach salad right out of a big salad bowl. Transferring it to a more appropriate bowl just seemed silly. Plus, I am hungry. (I'd also like to point out that I even made the dressing, including toasting the sesame seeds. Who am I?)

This salad marks the 12th straight meal that I have made (and I mean made, not frozen meals) at home- though my Pilates instructor didn't accept the celery and peanut butter I had for dinner last night as a meal. He's right though, it was just supposed to be a snack, but I fell asleep before I got around to wanting dinner. Either way, this is likely a record for me. I used to eat out a lot. Not being able to cook was kind of part of my shtick, like being messy or always late. Things I was never super proud of, but because they just seemed destined to be a part of me, I decided to accept them rather than feel bad about it. The idea that I could change it never really seemed possible. It became my default, so to speak. However, I've really enjoyed cooking for myself. I'm pleasantly surprised by how good all the food is and needing to cut back recipes works my division skills. This morning I even made pancakes for the first time (yes, I'm 26). Not sure how I feel about the buckwheat flour, but it is fun trying new things.

I have felt much better since Tuesday's unpleasantness. Work was good, frustrating because of people who refuse to listen and/or learn before asking questions in very long meetings in rooms without windows, but still good. I felt productive, though a bit tired. I also made it on-time everyday. I even stayed late on Thursday, and Friday made it to the little fitness center in my office building. Working out after work makes it a lot easier to leave when it is dark. I think it's because then I don't feel like all I did that day was work. I also just really enjoy working out.

Ok. Well now that the eating is on a positive track- though still a day at a time venture (and honestly at times a meal at a time thing) , I am going to start on my plan of attack for my apartment. It's really all too exciting!