Saturday morning breakfast post

I have learned to love oatmeal. It's pretty easy to make and very filling. Plus, starting a cold day with warm food is always nice- even when my apartment is pretty damn hot. Today, I made this Hearty Banana Berry Flax Oatmeal that Robin shared a while back. This is the second time I've made this oatmeal. It's slightly more time consuming than the other ones I usually make (apple cinnamon and cinnamon raisin) , but it's Saturday so I've got time. Last time, I cut the recipe in half, but I decided to make the full thing this morning so I'd have a lot of leftovers. I have a busy week ahead and want to limit the amount of cooking I need to do. Well, it turned out delicious. I didn't have nuts and had to use soy milk instead of almond milk, but it seems to have worked just fine. I also had to use frozen blueberries since I ate all my fresh ones for dessert last night, so I threw them in a little earlier than suggested. All in all it turned out well.

However, I have no idea in what world this serves two people- unless it means it serves two giants or two marathoners or provides two people with all their food for the entire day. This recipe makes a lot of oatmeal. I'm guessing it will provide me at least 4 days of breakfast (including today). So maybe that's four people, not 2, and I exaggerated a bit, but I think it points to important issue of portions, especially in this country. Even though it's a really healthy recipe from what seems to be a blog focused on living well, it still suggests large portions. Maybe I just don't eat a lot- but I'm a 5'8" woman that weighs about 155 lbs. I am pretty active. Pilates two times a week for the last 18 months, do 30 minutes of cardio at least 3 times a week, and I walk way more than the average person. I probably need a little bit more than a lot of people since I have (a little) muscle and move around, but almost all recipe portions (and definitely 95% of restaurant portions) are way too much.

Also, I think there is a problematic mentality that we can only eat at certain times, or that if we don't finish all of this food we will get hungry later. Of course we will get hungry later. That's how our bodies work. But I live in the United States, and though I understand food insecurity (the way our government avoids saying that, yes, there are people in AMERICA! going hungry) is on its way up in this country, for someone like me, who is privileged, who had ground flax seed in my fridge and a big bag of organic oatmeal in my cupboard, I will have food to eat later. So what if I need to eat again in an hour? If that's what my body needs, then I'll do it. But I'm not going to eat more than I need at a sitting. This is one of the many lessons I've learned in the last three years, and one I don't always remember. But as with everything else, I'm working on it.

Speaking of ground flax seed and organic oatmeal (and on a lighter, less soap boxy note), I usually buy Bob's Red Mill products, and thought it was awesome when I heard that Bob is turning the business over to his employees instead of accepting some buy out offer. Very cool.

Now I'm off to climb ice mountains to get to Pilates. Happy Saturday!

Kitchen gadgets and burritos

Two important things happened for me over the past couple of days. The first is I went to Target yesterday and did not feel overwhelmed or uncomfortable in the kitchen aisle. In fact it was kind of fun. Second, today after Pilates I reeeaally wanted a burrito from Chipotle. I kept trying to convince myself that the spinach salad with cornbread I had planned to make for dinner would be better, but it wasn't working. As I walked up Connecticut Ave., I got to the Chipotle and thought "Fuck it, I want a burrito." So I went in. I took two steps and then turned around and walked to the bus. When I got home, I made a spinach salad with a cut up veggie burger patty, some tomato, mushrooms, and the dressing I made the other day. I also had a piece of the corn bread I made to go with my dinner yesterday. I enjoyed my dinner. It was not as delicious as a Chipotle burrito; however, I think the pride I feel in eating something healthy and the fact that I just feel healthier makes avoiding the burrito totally ok.

If I am correct, yesterday marked the 3rd year anniversary of my first meeting with my nutritionist. Wow. Three years. It's hard to believe. I have had a lot of thoughts about it, but I'm still sorting through them, so I think they will be my next post.

Yesterday also marked the 3rd anniversary of when the City of Boston thought a bunch of lite-brites promoting the Aqua Teen Hunger Force movie were IEDs. 1/31/07 Never Forget.

Happy Friday!

It's Friday afternoon, and I have a break from my phone ringing and since I hadn't posted in a week, I thought I'd post some more thoughts.

This week has been fair. Work has been busy, and I have been a bit crabby with people. As I've lamented many times, when I have to be very nice to a lot of people over a short amount of time, I lose my other abilities to function socially. I am short with people. I can't really complete sentences, and I lack attention span. If I had cramps, it would be like being on my period. Luckily, these reporting periods only last a couple of weeks every quarter, and will eventually end completely. Until then, I just hope that I get to speak to IT guy at least once a day. He makes me smile, even if he flirts with everyone. It's kind of hard to get tired of hearing a cute guy say "I'm better now that I'm talking to you." I'm sure he says it to everyone, but I can pretend it's only me.

I have still been good about the cooking. It has become more routine to get home and make something or to pack lunch in the morning.

(Note: While writing the above sentence, IT guy called. It was lovely. We chatted about beer and other drinks, new DC bars/restaurants, and working out. I very much enjoyed the moment when I saw it was him on my caller ID and not another confused grantee).

I've pretty much decided to cook/eat vegan at home and then be less limited if I am eating out. I think this is a good way of both balancing the foods I eat and ensuring that I limit my intake of dairy and meat without too much difficulty. Also, I have felt better recently than I have in a long time, so I think that something is working for me. I figure I should continue with it until something changes.

I went to the gym yesterday and will go again today, but haven't been great about exercise this week. Part of the problem is just being tired. The other is that I got my new tattoo on Monday, and it is on my lower left ribs and a bit onto my stomach and is still a bit sore. When I use my abs to much, it hurts- even while dancing! It's doing better today, though I think that it will start itching soon. No fun, but the tattoo is beautiful, so it's ok. (I'll post some pictures when it has healed.)

My goals for the weekend are to grocery shop, cook, and go through my clothes. I'm hoping to book a zipcar so that I can donate my clothes right away. It would free up an incredible amount of space in my apartment. Also, I need to clean my kitchen.

I also plan on sleeping. A lot.

Up hill both ways, but not in the snow

My legs are all tingly from a lot of walking, and I could probably fall asleep right now (at 7:15pm). I walked about 6 miles today, with at least 3 miles uphill. The weather was perfect! It feels great, but I am tired. I also went to the gym after work Thursday and yesterday and had Pilates earlier. I guess I've been making up for lack of exercise at the beginning of the week. It's also really helped me relax, especially my workout yesterday. The workday was very long and stressful, like the rest of the week, and all I wanted to do when I got out was go to the gym. It was kind of a strange feeling as I've never been like a gym rat or anything, but I just knew it would help me work off all the built up stress and annoyance. Pushing myself for 45 minutes on the Elliptical did a lot to get out the aggression that built up from being nice to people with their stupid questions instead of saying " just file the fucking report" or "how many fucking times do I have to fucking explain this?". The fact that the gym is free and in my office building makes it that much more attractive. There is not time to decide I should just go home since I just walk down 4 flights of stairs.

It's interesting the way healthy behaviors in one area of life can creep into others. I definitely think my desire to get to the gym is connected to the fact that I have been eating really well. In the last 2 weeks, I only ate out 3 times. I think that is crazy and amazing. It makes me really proud of myself for sticking to what I want to change this year. Also, I'm surprised at my resourcefulness when it comes to cooking. For example, I decided to make Hoppin' John Salad for dinner the other night, but realized that I had bought pork flavored black eyed peas (yes, pork). Of course, I didn't want to eat them since I'm trying hard to at least at home stick to vegan (and they are pork flavored). I decided to just use some garbanzo beans instead. I know it seems so basic to just replace one ingredient with a comparable one, but for me it was a bit of a revelation. I can see my former self being frustrated and not bothering. Another example, yesterday I didn't want to go to the grocery store and couldn't decide what to do for dinner. After looking in my fridge for a minute, I decided on a salad. I cooked and cut up a veggie burger patty added it to some spinach, threw in some dried cranberries and drizzled the homemade dressing I made for my salad last week. It was delicious and simple. And I put it together all on my own in like 2 minutes. Again, it's something most people could do without thinking about it or patting themselves on their backs, but it's still something new for me.

In other exciting news, the waist in my jeans is feeling loose. I think they are mostly just stretched out, but any seeming result adds to my motivation. Though at this moment, motivation to leave my house is very low.

Apparently, I won't starve when left to my own devices.

At this moment, I am eating a spinach salad right out of a big salad bowl. Transferring it to a more appropriate bowl just seemed silly. Plus, I am hungry. (I'd also like to point out that I even made the dressing, including toasting the sesame seeds. Who am I?)

This salad marks the 12th straight meal that I have made (and I mean made, not frozen meals) at home- though my Pilates instructor didn't accept the celery and peanut butter I had for dinner last night as a meal. He's right though, it was just supposed to be a snack, but I fell asleep before I got around to wanting dinner. Either way, this is likely a record for me. I used to eat out a lot. Not being able to cook was kind of part of my shtick, like being messy or always late. Things I was never super proud of, but because they just seemed destined to be a part of me, I decided to accept them rather than feel bad about it. The idea that I could change it never really seemed possible. It became my default, so to speak. However, I've really enjoyed cooking for myself. I'm pleasantly surprised by how good all the food is and needing to cut back recipes works my division skills. This morning I even made pancakes for the first time (yes, I'm 26). Not sure how I feel about the buckwheat flour, but it is fun trying new things.

I have felt much better since Tuesday's unpleasantness. Work was good, frustrating because of people who refuse to listen and/or learn before asking questions in very long meetings in rooms without windows, but still good. I felt productive, though a bit tired. I also made it on-time everyday. I even stayed late on Thursday, and Friday made it to the little fitness center in my office building. Working out after work makes it a lot easier to leave when it is dark. I think it's because then I don't feel like all I did that day was work. I also just really enjoy working out.

Ok. Well now that the eating is on a positive track- though still a day at a time venture (and honestly at times a meal at a time thing) , I am going to start on my plan of attack for my apartment. It's really all too exciting!

A New Day

Today was a lot better. Made it on time. Had a good one-on-one with my boss where I told him I didn't have quite enough work to keep me busy. He said we would be starting a policy scan soon (sexy!) and that would provide plenty of work. I'm really excited.

I think a few things contributed to today being better. One is I put my outfit out the night before so I couldn't use outfit planning as an excuse to stay in bed longer or searching for clothes to take up precious getting ready time. Two I was excited about making my breakfast. Often I don't want to get up because I'm hungry but have no food, but last night I made two trips to the grocery stores in my neighborhood and in addition to cooking my favorite potato, veggie chili, and broccoli for dinner, I made a couscous salad for lunch today. And for breakfast I made apple cinnamon oatmeal. It was easy, delicious, and filling. Lastly, I was determined to be on time so I didn't bother to straighten my hair. Sometimes I will know that I am running late but still do things that are unnecessary. Today I was good and skipped that kind of stuff.

I'm also proud that I did not buy any food today. I bought my morning coffee- I haven't set up my new coffee maker yet- and a chai later in the afternoon, but all the food has been homemade. And vegan. I don't plan on going permanently vegan (unless I notice something really different about the way my body functions), but Robin posted this 21-Day Vegan Kickstart that seemed like a good thing to try. The foods are nutritious and low calorie, and most important for me, pretty easy to make. I'm not following it exactly, and will likely break the vegan rule a few times (especially with Restaurant Week next week), but I have decided to focus on each day. Today I feel great. I had left over couscous and kale for dinner (I think that may be the first time I've had kale) and am going to make a fruit smoothie for dessert. Tomorrow I'll have cinnamon-raisin oatmeal and bring some soup for lunch. And I'll aim to be happy with accomplishing that tomorrow. To be happy with each little accomplishment- even if to most people it's pretty basic stuff.

I'm trying hard to not think about my weight. When I lost weight before, I think it's because I wasn't paying attention to the numbers on the scale. I was focusing more on how I felt physically. As I ate less and healthier, I just felt better. Then my clothes got too big, and I realized that there were a lot of benefits to eating better. I'm trying to get back to that mentality. I want to be healthy. If I eat healthy and exercise and don't really lose weight, I think I will be ok with that because I know that I am taking care of myself. I'm not sure how I could not lose weight, but I will try not to worry about that right now.

I'm enjoying this writing, but it kind of makes me feel like the stuff that comes out of my head is either very dramatic (cry under the covers!) or boring (here is what I ate today!). Oh well. Time to enjoy my smoothie and pick out an outfit for tomorrow. I get to see IT Guy so this will take a while.